Canonical List of Famous Last Words


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  1. "I dunno what a tarrasque is, but it can't be TOO tough."

  2. "I open the coffin...SLOWLY."

  3. "I pick the lock on the magic shop window."

  4. "I run down the hallway alone."

  5. "I sneak up to the Lich and pick its pockets."

  6. "I think level draining's only temporary. Keep attacking."

  7. "I throw a rock at the eight-legged lizard to get it's attention."

  8. "I use animal empathy to calm the charging Triceratops."

  9. "I walk into the raiders' camp and ask to use the toilet."

  10. "I want to check out the magic tome."

  11. "I'll steal the 20+ level mage's pouch."

  12. "I'll use the wand of wonder."

  13. "If I were you, Demon, I would sit back down!"

  14. "It can't talk to us like that!"

  15. "It was a joke."

  16. "It was only the wind."

  17. "Just because you can breathe fire doesn't mean you can push *us* around."

  18. a) "Just one more room."
    b) "Just one more fight."

  19. "My character WANTS to go out in a blaze of glory."

  20. "Of course it's evil, kill it!"

  21. "Oh, please! Vampires have so many weaknesses, you can't help but kill them!"

  22. "Ok, so there's a few more of them"

  23. "Okay, if I max out this round and win initiative next round, maybe..."

  24. "Okay, we'll attack the small boulette first."

  25. "Rakshasas? Quick, break out the poisoned bolts."

  26. "So what, I have the artifact!"

  27. "Take out a Beholder's eyes, and Bingo!"

  28. "Tell me this is an illusion."

  29. "That purple robe really clashes with your burning eyes..."

  30. "The Fire Drake's tracks go into this cavern, let's go in."

  31. "The Hall of Blades? Hey, I've got an 18 dex."

  32. "There's HOW many Githyanki sleeping bunks in this chamber?"

  33. "There's no such thing as a bottomless pit. Everybody knows that."

  34. "Wait! What's deathspell do?"

  35. "They CAN'T have initiative!"

  36. "Wait...Dragons can only breathe fire once per day right?"

  37. "Was that thunder, or were you rolling damage?"

  38. "Well, he's OK, Know Alignment works on anybod..."

  39. "What do mean feather fall wears off?"

  40. "What do you mean, `Your wand ran out of charges.'?"

  41. "What do you mean I turn into a bug?"

  42. "What do you mean my axe bounces off him? What does Stoneskin do anyway?"

  43. "What do you mean, the dragon wakes up?"

  44. "What do you mean, the item's not in my backpack any more?"

  45. "What do you mean, the Wall of Ice vanishes?"

  46. "What's a wild-magic zone?"

  47. "What's your alignment?"

  48. "YO! Grendel! Your momma wears combat boots!"

  49. "You don't get Humanoid 8th level wizards. He's only bluffing"

  50. "You may be the keeper of this stone, but I want this stone."

  51. "What do you mean, the small dragon's big brother looks very angry?"

  52. "You mean it was a GOOD dragon?"

  53. "Garth, you be the anchor. I tie the rope around myself, take the slack [700'] and jump in."

  54. "Hey, it's only a black dragon, a vampire, and a lich.... and we've got a horn of bubbles!"

  55. "How was I to know that that orc would tell the truth about us not wanting to come in here!"

  56. "I'll just fly over the dragon's lair on my pegasus and see if it's still there"

  57. "I'll poke it with my sword.."
    {pool of green eats through metal very quickly}

  58. "It's an illusion. No spell can reshape the side of a mountain like that. I disbelieve and walk off the 500' cliff."

  59. "It's just a goblin." {...or a Doppelgaenger caught by the PCs trying to steal the goblins' small hoard of gold and silver}

  60. "Ok, the dragon's asleep. You guys wait back here with bows and stuff. Getafix and I will go up in front of it and cast light on it's eyes to blind him, then we'll blow his brains out with psionics."

  61. "The huge red dragon is flying toward me with his mouth open? Ok, I roll for initiative with my bastard sword."

  62. "The thief is dead, and we got one coffin left to open! I crack it open with my +1 two-handsword"

  63. "What if we drained this fountain that acts as a portal to the elemental plane of water with my bag of holding?"

  64. "You mean this is only an 'invoke elemental' ring ? I can't control the elemental with it?"

  65. "No problem, I have a Staff of Fire!"
    {during an encounter with Fire demons}

  66. {PC charging dragon}
    PC : "For Honor, for King, for God."
    Dragon: "For lunch."

  67. "No, I don't want any help from you fighters, this one's mine!"

  68. "Didn't I kill you yesterday?"

  69. "I guess you guys got THAT BIG MUSCLES from doing too much STUDYING !"

  70. "But I've read the instructions..."

  71. "I hope you guys practice birth control."

  72. "I know how to create special effects..."

  73. "Surrender and give me all your money !"

  74. "That's definitely NOT where we should be ..."
    {right after teleport}

  75. "She won't blame us for frying her owl because we're starving for three days now." {owl was her familiar}

  76. "I told you so..."

  77. "Wheew! That was close."

  78. "Is this supposed to happen?"

  79. "Strange, the phone just went dead."

  80. "Aren't you supposed to upgrade anti-virus shields regularly?"

  81. "Great! We have night goggles and mimicry suits and it is in the dead of night. They'll never see us! What do you mean 'Sssh!'?"

  82. "Ropes? For what? I would have to roll a 1 to fall off this wall..."

  83. Player: "Didn't you say that when the dice come up like this, it's a critical hit?"
    GM : "Erhm...thank you for reminding me..."

  84. "I'll kick the dud grenade back into the elevator."

  85. DM:"When did you clean your gun the last time?"
    PC:"I thought they were self-cleaning... What do you mean, *click*?"

  86. "Hopefully he hits me with an E-critical. I need the EP!"

  87. PC: "3 feet long, head 1", tail 2", legs 1". You call that a monster?"
    DM: "Did I say that it's still twenty miles away?"

  88. "Who wants to live forever... hey, wait!"
    {sung along with background music}

  89. "Wait, kobolds in PLATEMAIL?"

  90. "A priest of the Halfling Demi-god of Death, is this guy for real?"

  91. "Mushrooms at the end of the corridor? I flame them!"

  92. "Well, I'll heal myself."

  93. "Okay, he shot me, but I'm a healer." {a dead one}

  94. "Wait, I trust this vampire."

  95. PC1: "Well, what are they?"
    PC2: "Kobolds." {after investigating an ogre camp}

  96. "I tell Strahd that I don't like that arrangement."

  97. "Of course I'm sure that's what I want to do!"

  98. "I wish for the dragon to appear right here!"

  99. "I teleport 2 miles in the air, memorize cone of cold while I'm falling, and then teleport right above the dragon's head and cast it."

  100. "So I can either dodge OR attack. Okay, then I'll attack!"

  101. "I wonder how all the statues got here?" {ever heard of Medusa}

  102. "Free talismans?! Sure, I'll have two."

  103. "That's just some DM trick to keep us out."

  104. "Why do these candles say T-N-T?"

  105. "All the Tallasquese hibernate this time of year."

  106. "D'Artagnan? Never heard of you. Let's see how you are with that sword of yours."

  107. "Ain't this great!! I lose an arm and this Vecana guy leaves a magic one for me."

  108. "What do you mean my batteries are dead?"

  109. "What optional rule?"

  110. "What do you mean I'm out of Empathy?"

  111. "Why is that guy staring at me, and pointing at my back?"
    {to tell you about the shadow sneaking up on you}

  112. GM : "You enter the magic forest."
    PC1: "What do we see?"
    GM : "Giant Badges."
    PC2: "Giant Badges? We don't need no stinking giant badges?"
    GM : "Did I say badges? I meant Badgers, sorry."

  113. "What did you say Mr. Alucard, there's something on my neck? Check for me, would ya?"

  114. "I dodge." {a shotgun fired from a 5 feet distance...}

  115. Player: "This is not fair."
    GM : "Didn't your mother tell you not to wander in the night alone?"

  116. "No, I didn't say 'GRRROOOOOAAARRRR!', why?"

  117. PC1: "Uh-Oh?!"
    PC2: "What do you mean 'UH-OH?!'"

  118. "Don't worry guys, I'm immune to fire. Come on you big ugly, pathetic excuse for a dragon, do your worst!"
    "What do you mean black dragons don't breath fire?"

  119. "Damn, that's a lot of fire elementals..."

  120. "I point the wand of wonder at the big stone coffin with all of the wards and protection enchantments on it and say the command word. Hey, why are all of you guys running away?"

  121. "Just to mention it: It was your fault."

  122. "Don't worry about me - I'm fine by myself."

  123. "An AK-20 only has 10 shots."

  124. "Well, a natural 20, critical success, double damage..."
    {...,wrong system...critical failure}

  125. "Come on, this spell cannot be all this hard to cast."

  126. "This bridge will probably remain for the next 100 years."

  127. "Erm...what was the name of this protection spell I learned lately?"

  128. "You bloody joke of a man are supposed to be an assassin?"

  129. "Just watch and wonder how I manage to ride this horse."

  130. "Which colour did healing potions or green?"

  131. "No, this isn't my first trap to deactivate."

  132. "Beware. This is a magic seal. If you read it..."

  133. "I have the most powerful ship in the galaxy. They wouldn't dare attack me!"

  134. "Ha! You don't have the guts to shoot me!"

  135. "Say, didn't we have FIVE people in our party?"
    {in a dark cavern, talking to the only other character there}

  136. "What do you mean you forgot your spellbook?"

  137. PC1: "Do you remember that group of trolls whose leader you slayed?"
    PC2: "Yeah..."
    PC1: "Well, don't look now but..."

  138. "You couldn't hit water if you fell out of a boat!"

  139. "Orcus WHO?"

  140. "My Magic Resistance will protect me from this Earthquake." {underground}

  141. So I dropped and broke the staff of power, I have another..."

  142. "We've plenty of time until the dragon returns."

  143. "Weapons? I'm a spell-caster..."

  144. NPC: "This is the inquisition."
    PC : "What's an inquisition?"

  145. "No trap doors in this sectioooooooooooooo*bump*"

  146. "This potion really tastes good."

  147. "Is it true, that crocodiles do exist in this area?"

  148. "Well, the river isn't too deep here."

  149. "Do you think he spotted us?"

  150. "It is better to go now."

  151. "Is this potion supposed to bubble?"

  152. "Did the old man tell us that the trap is to the right or to the left?"

  153. "These mushrooms aren't poisoned."

  154. "Ha. Now your life is in my hands, evil witch."

  155. "Now on to the reward you promised."

  156. "If the tag says 'healing potion', then it IS healing potion!"

  157. "Excuse me, sir. You aren't allowed to carry such heavy weapons in this area."

  158. "Ha, you lost again. You are an awful stupid barbarian."

  159. "Well, watchword?"

  160. "Hey, yellow-skinned idiot, don't hop around but fight like a man."

  161. "Why shouldn't I turn over the next leaf?"

  162. "Watch, no trap, no seal, it's safe."

  163. {PC opens a box, finds a sphere inside, sphere starts ticking.}
    PC: "I throw away the sphere."
    ...*boom* {sphere was only the trigger, the box was the bomb}

  164. {PC just being backstabbed}
    GM: "Do you turn around?"
    PC: "No, I keep fighting."

  165. "No wonder that you're extinct." {to dinosaur creature}

  166. "What do you mean the vorpal sword didn't kill the dracolich?"

  167. "Yes!!! The wizard is dead. One more round and he would have killed us. What do you mean a Delayed Blast Fireball?"

  168. "I am a Ranger with a 21 Strength. I rip the tree out of the ground and use it as a club."

  169. PC: "Wow! What a good idea to enter this cave now I'm saved."
    DM: "But it is the cave of a wyvern!"
    PC: " I know what this pet is I just found..."

  170. "At least the fire's out."
    {said after a very disastrous crash in the group's ship. The engine section of the ship blew up, starting a fire in the back. Two CP's were wounded, but managed to strap in before we crashed into an inland sea. When we awoke, we found that we had sank about 10 feet below the surface of the water, and the hull was leaking.}

  171. "Now where did I put that Thermal Detonator? What's that beeping noise?"

  172. GM : "Something small and roundish clinks down the stairs."
    PC1: "Grenade! I catch it."
    PC2: "I catch it."
    PC3: "I catch it."

  173. PC: "I will cast Ghoul-Touch."
    GM: "But you do not have any components."
    PC: "I know..."

  174. GM: "As you enter the cave, you notice it's pitch black and you can't see anything..."
    PC: "Hmmm...okay...I close my eyes!"

  175. "I avoid the gargoyle, run and drink from the healing fountain."

  176. " Narhal's WASN'T the best spell to cast in the inn..."

  177. PC1: "Hey, I hear something very near around this corner. Christian,
    haven't you got something on the motion tracker ?"
    PC2: "Don't know, I turned off the motion tracker for saving the
    battery power for later."

  178. "I did THAT much damage?" {hit another PC by accident}

  179. "Cover me, I'll take out the mages."

  180. "Twelve knights, seven of us? You'd better get more knights..."

  181. "Oops. I think I forgot to surrender"

  182. "No brain, no pain..." {said to NPC}

  183. "Hmm... This thing looks like a radio controlled bomb. I think I better break off its antenna."

  184. "So what? I'm impervious to fire"
    {he was, but the hand grenades at his belt weren't}

  185. "A wall of pudding? Well, I'll eat through it...What do you mean the pudding bites back?!!"

  186. "I throw my nuclear hand grenade into the next room."

  187. "I hate the god of lightning and thunder."
    {Standing on a mountaintop, pointing towards heaven with a 20 yards long ironpole in thunder}

  188. "Don't worry, I'll have this door open in just a minute."

  189. "OK, we're in the arena. HOW MANY lions come out of that gate?"

  190. "You can't just leave us here!" {said to party wizard just before he
    teleported himself out of the trap}

  191. "What do you mean, we can't see where the arrows are coming from?"

  192. "What do you mean, he's still alive?"

  193. "Do you have a problem? If not, a problem can be arranged for you."

  194. "Can we talk this over?" {no}

  195. "Hmm... No weapon, no more spells... I hurl silver pieces at the wererat."

  196. "Wasn't this elevator going up?"

  197. "Finally, he's out of ammo."

  198. "What's the big deal about a guy in dragonarmor?"

  199. "That's odd. *Most* lizardmen don't have wings."

  200. "That's odd. The tracks end here."

  201. "A genie, huh? Gimme my wishes!"

  202. GM: "It blinds you with a jet of acid."
    PC: "Bah! I locate it by its foul stench!"

  203. {player handles grenade, fumbles, grenade falls to the ground just before the PCs' feet}
    "Don't worry guys. It's harmless, it's just a neurostun-grenade."

  204. "Hey Gueso, Man you need to take a bath!...Gueso?"
    {well, it wasn't Gueso...}

  205. "Since these Ogres are under a sleep spell we don't need to kill them."

  206. "I try to jump up and pull the helmet off of the Paladin."

  207. "They've only got maces, how are they going to hurt us?"

  208. PC1: "Climb the tower. If you fall, I'll catch you !"
    PC2: "Ok."

  209. "Which side is the business side of this weapon?"

  210. "I'm going to hide behind the door in such a way that I can hit him, but that he cannot hit me."

  211. "Wait! I'm a good spider!" {after being polymorphed into a giant spider}

  212. GM: "You see an island on the horizon."
    PC: "I leap over the side of the ship and swim to it."
    { full plate mail}

  213. PC1: "Look over there is a crystal skull."
    PC2: "I run over, take my gloves off and pick the skull up."

  214. "What does 'enmity' mean?"
    {said after drawing the "Enmity between you and a devil card in a Deck of Many Things}

  215. "20,000 gold pieces!! I put it in my backpack and run before the guard wakes." {moving is not too easy with such an encumbrance}

  216. "Naw! Can't be! Assassins always wear black!"

  217. "Well, first a hills giant, then a fire giant, and after that, a clouds giant. There can't be Storm giant, it'll be too obvious, Ok, the exit is there, I feel it, let's not rest, and move on..."

  218. "You killed all my friends ! Prepare to face my ... FUMBLE!!!!"

  219. "Let's follow the trail!"

  220. "He couldn't possibly have any spell left!"

  221. "That dragon is too young to breathe fire."

  222. "Don't worry- the dragon has used all of it's breath weapons for today!"

  223. "Awe, look at the cute little fuzzy thing!"

  224. "Don't worry, we can outrun it!"

  225. "Why are those two triangles on the ground like that?" {pentagram}

  226. "Hey guys, wanna play a trick on the mage?"

  227. "What do you mean it's too late?"

  228. a)"But aren't you my friend?"
    b) "But I thought you were my friend!"

  229. "Why do you insist upon looking at my character sheet?"

  230. "I peek around the corner... but not enough to expose my whole head... just enough for me to see with my good eye."

  231. "I don't think he had a flame thrower. Hold on, let me check."

  232. "In the name of Tyr, I command you begone foul lich!"
    {said by overzealous first level cleric}

  233. "What do you mean my DEX bonus does not apply?"

  234. "Oh boy! Kudar is back!"
    {Kudar is the hero of the party... or was until he met the doppelganger!}

  235. "Don't worry, I removed all the bullets from his gun while he was sleeping." {he reloaded it}

  236. "But it's only a little kid!"

  237. PC1: "What do you mean my sword breaks?"
    PC2: "Don't worry, I have another one... now where did I put it?"

  238. "So that's what a Tarrasque looks like!"

  239. "I wonder who's holding that light over there."

  240. {party consists of 4 PCs}
    PC1: "Hand me the lantern"
    PC2: "I don't have it... Mark does"
    PC3: "No I don't... Joe does"
    PC4: "I'm not the one holding it"

  241. "Who knows how to stop a fireball?"

  242. "Why are you guys smiling like that?"

  243. "Hi. Maybe you can help me. I am looking for the thieve's guild..."

  244. "OK guys, here's the plan: In this movie I saw last week..."

  245. "Awe, he's drunk! He wouldn't know if I picked his pocket or his nose!"

  246. "Hey, I was talking to her first!"

  247. PC1: "Mike, are you Hindu?"
    PC2: "No, why?"
    PC3: "Because there is a red dot on your forehead!"

  248. "What do you mean my globe of invulnerability runs out?"

  249. "What do you mean my fly spell runs out?"

  250. PC1: "Shut up! You are just a silver. We wanted to talk to a GOLD
    dragon, at least!"
    PC2: "Umm, he doesn't look silver, guys."
    PC3: "Umm, how many metals look like silver but aren't?"
    PC2: "One. Plat..."
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